From People-Pleasing to Presence: Learning to Trust Your Own Inner Knowing

Like many women, I know what it feels like to lose yourself in the process of trying to keep the peace. For much of my life, people-pleasing was how I maintained connection. It was how I made sure I was safe, accepted, and loved. I learned—like the women who came before me—that to belong sometimes meant swallowing my own needs and desires. But over time, that way of being left me disconnected from my own aliveness, unsure of what I truly wanted or who I really was.

People-pleasing often begins as an intelligent adaptation. From an attachment perspective, it’s a way of preserving relationship when authenticity once felt unsafe. When we grow up in environments where harmony is prioritized over truth, our nervous systems learn to monitor others’ moods before our own. Over time, this vigilance can become our default way of relating.

The journey of healing is not about rejecting connection—it’s about finding connection that includes you. In therapy, this often means learning to recognize the subtle cues of your nervous system: the tightening in your chest when you say yes but mean no, the fatigue that follows overextending yourself, the quiet relief when you speak your truth and remain present. Somatic awareness becomes the bridge back to authenticity.

Nature offers powerful guidance here. In the natural world, each being belongs simply by being itself. The aspen doesn’t try to become a pine; the river doesn’t apologize for its flow. Spending time in nature helps us remember that our value doesn’t come from pleasing others but from living in alignment with our true nature.

In our work together, we’ll explore the roots of your people-pleasing patterns through an attachment-based and somatic lens. We’ll practice regulation, boundary awareness, and mindfulness to help you come back to yourself—body, mind, and heart. Over time, presence replaces performance, and you learn to trust your own inner knowing as your guide.

If this resonates with you, I offer individual therapy, groups, and workshops in Durango and online throughout Colorado. Reach out to schedule a free 15-minute consultation.